Recap for the English speakers

I don't know about this English-thing.
Some things will be very strange to explain. But I guess I'll keep going for a while.

Recap for the english people:

* I take care of my granny. She is 84 and lives with me. I have made up my spareroom into a grannydungeon, complete with a commode and telly (what else does a granny need like??) Truth to be told though, she doesnt use either of them.
She occupies MY television and totters about and is quite ditsy these days actually.

* this blog is more like an open diary of mine where I write off my frustrations and other feelings that consume my brain.
I have found that my head gets too cramped with feelings and thoughts, so I write it all out here to get perspective. AND when I'm not fixing stuff for gran, I'm out walking the dog or sleeping (or all of those at the same time)...I therefore find it hard to talk to all of the people I would like to talk to. So I figured rather than them thinking I'm just being lazy they can read here and catch up with my pathetic life...if they wanna :P
In a way I guess that it is lazy...but not intentionally. Im just drained and it is easier to write than to talk at the moment.

Soooooooooooo....

Nothing new or exciting happening my end. Whats up with youse? (swedish people..I will use alot of dublin-slang when I write in English..SMS-language. If something looks strange, just pronounce it the way it looks, in ur head and u will get the gist of what it means eventually :))

Its still freakin cold and windy. I thought I left the wind behind when I moved from Ireland but it seems its found its way here too. But at least the wind is just blowing in 1 direction in Uppsala. In Dublin it blows 360 degrees around you. Feckin island weather. Good luck if u have long hair and lipgloss like.

Today its saturday and I'm in work. Its fairly calm so I have time to sit here and shite talk.

Granny is quite ditsy these days and it gets to me more than I wish to admit.
I get annoyed with her and I think she notices.
I feel awful when it happens but then I wonder how long other people would stick it. She undoes most things I do for her.
If I sort out a doctors appointment she gets all fussed and makes me cancel it saying that she really is fine.
The next day she has forgotten about it and asks me why she is in so much pain etc.
When this has happened a few times u get...tired and cranky (purken på svenska).

We have home help that come in 5 times a day and they get the best of her.
I see the rest. So when they come (when Im home..which is rare) I feel that I come across to them as fedup/bitter/narky (surpuppa på svenska) because I have said everything 16 times already and she doesnt remember or listen.

I dont like being that kind of person. I have always been the "kind" nurse who has endless love and compassion..and now suddenly I wanna put my granny and little dog, the two most helpless creatures around me, out on the balcony and shut the door. Its not like me at all.

But then I guess my granny is not her usual self either. I keep forgetting that.
She looks the same and has the same phrases and stuff but she is definitely not the same person she once was.
Its like she is a shell and some if the content is still there...but most of it has disapeared down deep within her, only to pop up once and again, very rarely.
Then when it does pop up, it gives me horrible guilt for losin my temepr and moaning about her...coz then it seems like she is still there.

Dementia is a horrible disease.
I guess I have to be glad its not Alzheimers.
It would be so much worse...or atleast I guess it would.
But maybe it would be easier to put her in a home if it was Alzheimers because she would not be herself in different way than now.
Maybe her old self wouldn't keep popping up in the same way. I dont know.

Anyway. That is what I have been moaning on about here. :P


gotta go...customer...
xxx